guess what? I recently read Becoming Flawesome by Mindvalley’s Co-Founder
Kristina Mand-Lakhiani – and thought you might want to check it out too.
“How did you become a missing person in your own life?” – Kristina
Mand Lakhiani, Author of Becoming
Flawesome
Can you identify with Kristina’s question above? Have you
ever wondered, “What happened to me? Where did I go? I used to be …”
I can. 🙋 When I got divorced in my mid-twenties, I realized
that not only had I lost myself, but I still hadn’t fully grown into who I
always knew I was.
Then again in my thirties, I had become a dull, drab office
employee who fell into the pattern of wearing clothes that I didn’t really like
(but they fit!), and spending up to 14-hour days doing work I was not passionate
about.
What happened?
- Where had the seven-year-old who used to
breakdance on coffee tables go? - What happened to the pre-teen with the
bubbly personality who sang, danced, acted and always wore something cute and
fun?
Somehow as I got older, my spirit got crushed – and stopped
showing up.
But when, how and why did it stop showing up?
In my twenties, I tried to be what I thought was the “perfect
wife.” Now, I have to tell you upfront – I was NOT the perfect wife – but I did the best I knew to do at the time.
I thought that I needed to fit into a certain role now that I was married, and
I had no idea that would mean I was giving up who I authentically was. By the
end of the marriage, my then husband treated me as if I was someone completely
different; which now makes sense, because I wasn’t fully me.
In my thirties, I believed I had to fit myself into a professional
box – that I was never made for. I always knew I was made for working directly
with people, helping them and even incorporating ways for me to be expressive
and creative into my work. How to accomplish that, however, eluded me for
years. So, instead I worked an office job, behind a desk, for eight to
sometimes 14-hour days. I was good at it. I progressively made more money over
the years; but it got to the point where I would silently, but heavily, cry at
least once a week in my office. All my energy was going towards doing something
I was good at, but didn’t love. I was depleting myself on a daily basis and it
took all weekend long just to get me back before going back on Monday and doing
it all over again. No wonder I was crying! Where was the end in sight? 30+
years from then when I’d finally retire? Could I really live with a depleted me
for that long??
Mixed in between all that, were layers of unresolved
heartbreak from that past relationship and that past relationship and … Telling
myself I needed to be a “wife” and do work I didn’t feel deeply connected to
only broke my heart further.
It’s not uncommon for
us to change the authentic parts of ourselves in order to fulfill an outward
expression of what we believe we’re supposed to be or do.
Sometimes, often times, this is an unconscious decision, however; and we don’t
realize the price we pay until one day we realize it-hurts-too-much.
Because somewhere along the way, “we make ourselves feel
bad for what we feel – this is how we lose ourselves” (Mand-Lakhiani, 2023, p.
7).
- Disconnection from our heart and what we
truly love - Telling ourselves we need to achieve
some false version of perfection - Not focusing on our strengths and what’s
already beautiful and lovable about ourselves
… can leave us feeling flawed and not good enough.
But the truth is you have always been good enough. You have
always been lovable.
There is a common cognitive dissonance in western society
that one needs to be considered successful in order to be worthy or loved; and
the only way to get there is by being perfect (Mand-Lakhiani, 2023). The thing
is, success is an external, subjective measure of something that doesn’t even
exist: perfection.
The flaw is in the
thinking. Not in you.
I could go on and on about this subject, but I’m going to
begin to wrap it up here because I hope that last statement will sink in.
You are not flawed. You are flawesome!
The more you love you, the more others will too.
As Kristina says, “you
can not overdose on self-love.” Self-love isn’t selfish, but the lack of it
can lead one to become more selfish.
I want to remind you that you deserve better. And the
awesome thing is that your flawesome self can give it ALL to you right now. 💖
Would you like some guidance and support in embracing your flawesome self? Do you like reading? Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an
Imperfectly Authentic Life by Kristina Mand-Lakhiani was just released – and it’s currently FREE (just pay shipping)!
Easy to read. Uplifting. Practical exercises you can do today. 👍
Connect with Kristina
& Learn More:
Instagram
LinkedIn
Facebook
Mindvalley
KristinaMand.com
#BecomingFlawesome
