As we here in WI have hit a cold stretch in the middle of our long winter, with it many kids are hitting the peak of the boredom blues. “There’s nothing to do.” “I’m bored.” “I can’t do anything.” Surely these words are being echoed in various ways by kids of all ages in many homes.
While many are still choosing to stay home and do less because of various Covid restrictions, there certainly might be some truth to the inability to go do things.
Parents can choose to stay in the battle of explaining options of things kids can do and sharing perspectives of how lucky kids are to have all they are blessed with.
Or parents can choose to reflect on time, choices they make with their ‘free’ time, what is being modeled for kids and how families are spending time – together or separately in the same home.
Boredom is a choice.
It is a choice we each get to make.
We can choose to think there is simply nothing to do. Or we can choose to find something or create something to do. It really is that simple.
Kids have often learned the habit of projecting their discomfort onto others in search of someone else finding them something to do and easing their perceived pain. Which they typically quickly disregard with responses like “I don’t want to do THAT…”. I remember one of my mom’s go to responses when I was a child. “If you don’t find something to do, I’ll find you something and you probably won’t like it.” I didn’t need to hear that too many times before I stopped saying it and knew I needed to find something to do. My mom’s consistent messaging helped me know it was my job to find ways to spend my time.
Most times in today’s “boring world” what kids want to lean on are: video games, television, YouTube videos, movies, Tik Tok, social media surfing or something stimulating like that. If those can’t happen, boredom sets in. What is being lost: creativity. Stories unwritten. Buildings not built. Artwork not designed. Matchbox car worlds not created. Marble tracks never taken shape. Pictures not colored. Paintings never developed. Puzzles not completed. Too many kids feel they aren’t creative. Why? Because they often don’t spend time playing around and figuring out what feels fun to them outside of electronics time.
Yes, times change. Always has, always will. We live in a technological age. That isn’t changing. But why do kids feel electronics are the only way to beat boredom?
Because we allow it.
We’ve helped create this dependency.
Kids get their first phone or ipad at younger and younger ages. When their brains are developing. When they have not yet learned how to navigate the discomfort not being busy can create.
So numbing that feeling becomes natural.
And it is addictive.
Our brains begin to crave the stimulation electronics create. Kids’ thoughts become trained to run all of the ideas that create bored feelings. Instead of dealing with the discomfort of not being highly stimulated, they get into habits and patterns of thinking it it out of their control.
What do kids see parents and other adults in their lives doing over and over with their “free time” or “bored moments”? Scrolling social media. Watching news. Reading news clips. Messaging people. Answering emails. Flipping on a Netflix episode. Playing video games. Doing work.
Would it be safe to say most adults struggle with their own feelings of boredom? I think so.
Consider what kids see modeled for them while standing in line at a store. Waiting for grocery pickup. Waiting for dinner to finish cooking. At stoplights. In the car while one adult is driving, the other parent is doing what? Waiting to pick up a sibling from a sporting practice. When we first wake up. At the end of a long day. These are all examples kids have shared with me!
We as adults are often uncomfortable with the spaces between things. Or we have convinced ourselves we don’t ever have the time to do what we need to or want to do. So we justify modeling to kids the inability to be still. To not fill our minds every free second with information, stimulation, productivity, entertainment. I can assure you, most kids feel THEY don’t get enough time to play games, watch tv, check out the newest videos either…
What if parents decide not to continue down the path of fighting boredom with electronics? What if parents see where this is headed and not allow the downward spiral to go on any longer? One family at a time.
What if instead of simply giving in to the fear that “life will be hell if I take away or limit video games or tv” and choose to work together as a family to create healthy boundaries around electronics use and brainstorm ways to have fun alone, with siblings and as a family?
The patterns kids are in where they struggle to deal with boredom is heading in a crazy direction from what I hear and notice. While parents are focused on kids getting good grades so they can go to college and get a good job…. I fear too many kids will be so numbed as adults, even a “good job” will not lead to a sense of fulfillment, inner peace, joy, happiness. Seems we are on a projection of a lot of angst. Depression. Inability to feel and deal with discomfort without needing to numb it. What once was numbed by electronics might not be enough. So other numbing choices might need to be found.
Boredom is a choice. Period.
Let’s begin empowering kids to find something to do that feels better. To teach them their thoughts are creating the boredom! So if they want to feel differently, they can choose to think differently! And then take actions that help them feel better.
When your kids aren’t bored, brainstorm ideas of things they can do. Heck, do some google searches! Reality is many of us grew up without electronic babysitters! We found things to do! The excuse that “kids don’t do those things anymore” only exists for one reason.
Because we allow it and accept it.
Electronics can become simply another option. It doesn’t have to be the ONLY thing.
Healthier kids now creates a healthier world for tomorrow! These are future leaders, parents, doctors, construction workers, nurses, teachers, artists, authors, lawyers, entrepreneurs… Balanced, happy, healthy kids will change the world they create for their future!
Make the choice —as painful in the moment it may seem— to not just comment on how little else kids do besides game. Or go to their rooms and mindlessly numb themselves with another YouTube video. We can’t just hope that as college kids or adults they simply make better choices with their time. These are habits they are building now that will be hard to turn around. I live in an apartment building now and I hear what the 20 something year old guy below me does from the moment he gets home until he goes to bed: shooting video games. It’s not what I want for young adults….
Make time to reflect. Dare to change the current paradigm. Face the discomfort. I believe it will be well worth it to see the freedom created when kids and families become creative, playful, joyful and fun creators of their own happiness, instead of thinking it comes from outside themselves. In an XBox. Phone. TV. Social media outlet.
Struggle to believe it is possible? Reach out! I’ll help you believe in something different!!! 😊I know it is possible and am willing to support your journey to creating empowered kids and families!
