On my recent trip overseas I spent some time catching up with family and friends I have known for a long time. I started to ponder the quality of those friendships and what was the ‘glue’ that kept certain friendships going for so long and others not. With certain friends I found myself reverting back to the ‘old girl-friend’ they once knew prior to me leaving home.
Which in reality is really not how I see myself now, I have found those friendships draining and even worse because I engage in it.
Then there were the few friends I could truly be myself with and slip right back in as if I had never left (little treasures I refer to them as). When I first moved to Australia I was naive in not factoring the impact of how lonely I would feel for the familiarity of those treasured friendships in the first few years.
Friendships though are wonderful when it’s good and rich both ways. It also can be draining and not life affirming when it’s not. But guess what? you hang in there ‘duty’ bound by expectations that no longer fit.
Now with family you kind’ve don’t really have a choice… well that’s a box set so I won’t go there for now!
Back on Aussie soil, speaking to a colleague who was suddenly taken ill in the night and had an emergency hospital admission. During her recovery she started to reflect on her ordeal. There were moments of sadness and anger which centered around her ‘close’ friends. Those she expected to rally around didn’t and the ones she wasn’t particularly close to who did.
Which led me to reflect on who really has got my back in my time of need if there is no access to family.
So here are some tips to think about around managing those friendships. (Disclaimer here please, don’t feel you have to go on an immediate friendship culling rampage).
- What is your realistic expectation of friends who today are increasingly supplementing your family?
- Who would jump out of Facebook and be there for you physically in your time of need?
- Out of your numerous social media connections, how many of those are true solid relationships and if so what does that solid relationship look like?
And here’s your challenge for the rest of August:
- Tell a potential friend that you care about them and that you think about how they are doing. (And I dare you to NOT do it on social media) 🤔
- Push yourself to meet up with a friend/s even if you are busy or tired, you might get some unexpected joy from it.
- Be honest, tell your people (you know the ones) that you have nothing to give, because you genuinely have nothing more to give, love them and let them go. (I know this is a tough one)
- Social media allows you to cast your friendship net far and wide. Be mindful of those friendships that are there for you all of the time right under your nose. Who you don’t see because you’re busy chasing that ‘mob’ that you think ‘should’ be with.
Remember it’s Ok, we don’t have to be friends with everyone. Cherish those people that have your back, and make sure you have theirs.
