When you think about a confident person, what springs to mind? Maybe you imagine someone who’s always put-together, effortlessly articulate, someone who is popular or charismatic. It seems to me that society has created a web of myths around confidence that can leave you feeling like it’s a distant dream or simply something that isn’t you. But here’s the truth: most of what you’ve been told about confidence is wrong. Breaking these myths is the first step to unlocking the natural confidence you already have within you.
Myth #1: Confidence Means Never Feeling Fear or Doubt
Let’s bust this one right away. Confidence isn’t the absence of fear or self-doubt. It’s about moving forward despite those feelings. An easy way of doing this is deepening our understanding of the nature of fear or self-doubt, so we see it for what it is – often out-of-date, unreliable thinking! Even the most confident people experience moments of uncertainty; they’ve just learned not to let those thoughts and feelings stop them because they see their irrelevance.
What Holds You Back: Believing you need to feel fearless or confident before taking action. This mindset keeps you waiting for a moment that may never come. Instead, recognise that fear is your brain’s way of telling you that it has no reference or experience for this action not that it is scary. It is a normal part of growth, it’s how we grow – seeing it in this way enables us to take action anyway.
Myth #2: Confidence Comes From External Achievements
Have you thought ‘When I do this or achieve that, then I’ll feel confident?’ only to find that the confidence it provides only lasts momentarily before the self-doubt creeps back in? We’ve all been conditioned to think that success, awards, or recognition will make us feel confident. While achievements can provide a temporary boost, they don’t create lasting confidence – I know more about that than most as I was on this merry-go-round for years! Why? Because external validation is fleeting. Real confidence comes from understanding how you create your experience, it’s an inside job.
What Holds You Back: Chasing external markers of success to feel “enough.” When you tie your confidence to achievements, you’re building on shaky ground, and you end up on a rollercoaster of emotion, chasing a feeling that is fleeting. Instead, begin understanding the nature of your insecure thought, so that you can let it go, revealing your inbuilt natural confidence.
Myth #3: You Have to Be Extroverted to Be Confident
It’s a common misconception that confidence belongs to the extroverts of the world—the ones who light up a room and thrive in social situations. But confidence doesn’t have a personality type. Introverts can be just as confident as extroverts; it simply shows up differently. In fact, those who exhibit a natural confidence are neither extrovert or introverted, they simply are who they are! They are those in the room that people naturally gravitate to because they make them feel comfortable and relaxed – and you are as likely to find these in the corner of the room as you are giving the talk at the front.
What Holds You Back: Comparing your quiet confidence to someone else’s loud expression of it. Confidence isn’t about volume; it’s about authenticity, and being real. Embrace your unique way of showing up in the world.
Myth #4: Confidence Is Something You Either Have or Don’t
Here’s the big one: confidence isn’t a personality trait that some people are born with and others aren’t. It’s innate in each and everyone of us, we are born with it.
What Holds You Back: Believing you’re just “not a confident person.” This belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, of viewing confidence as a skill you can practice, start to notice when your natural confidence shines through – this will remind you that it is innate within you, and only hidden by insecure thinking.
What’s Really Holding You Back?
Underneath these myths lies a common thread: our own insecure thoughts. The stories we tell ourselves about confidence can create barriers that only exist in our imagination. When you understand the nature of these thoughts—that they’re not facts but simply fleeting ideas based on unreliable facts —you can start to let them go.
How to Break Free and Step Into Your Confidence
- Question the Myths: When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m just not confident” or “I need to achieve X before I feel good about myself,” pause and challenge those beliefs. Ask yourself, “What if this wasn’t true?”
- Start Small: Confidence often doesn’t come from big leaps; it comes from taking small insightful actions. You know that ‘other voice’ you have the one that feels more grounded, sensible, that is telling you you’ll be ok when it’s pushing you forward? When we allow ourselves to be directed by that voice and take action on that we experience an empowered confidence. Starting small enables us to see it in action! It’s like a muscle, the more we listen and take action, the more we see how reliable it is!
- Reconnect With Your True Nature: At your core, you are already whole and capable, you do not need fixing. Confidence isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about shedding the layers of self-doubt and fear that have built up over time.
- Embrace Growth: Remember, confidence grows through experience because we see that we’ve got this. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and keep moving forward.
The Bottom Line
Breaking the myths about confidence isn’t just empowering—it’s transformative. When you stop chasing unrealistic ideals and start reconnecting with your authentic self, you’ll discover a confidence that’s unshakable. It’s not about becoming someone new; it’s about rediscovering who you’ve been all along.
Ready to let go of what’s holding you back? Your confidence is already within you, waiting to shine – let’s have a chat. Book your free consultation today.
