Ever had one of those days where you need a break from everything?
That was me last Sunday. After a full week of client work, parenting my endlessly curious and chatty 9-year-old, and life’s general chaos, I was wiped out. I almost skipped my yoga nidra and sound bath class, but I knew my frayed nervous system needed it.
So there I was, mat down, eye mask on, surrendering to the teacher’s soothing voice. Just as I started to relax and melt into my mat, someone started snoring. Really fucking LOUD too.
I spent the rest of the 90-minute class battling between wanting to punch them awake and thinking “Poor thing must be exhausted. Send them kind thoughts.” And then gritting my teeth wondering why on earth the teacher wasn’t waking them up, and back to being annoyed at the snorer’s apparent selfishness. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling very zen when the class ended.
This got me thinking about something my favourite Buddhist teacher, Pema Chödrön, talks about: the Tibetan concept of “shenpa.” This broadly means “attachment,” but a more descriptive translation would be to be “hooked.”
Pema calls it a “sticky feeling,” an everyday experience that can quickly make you spiral, like finding a spot on your brand-new jumper. And before you know it, it’s dragged you into a whirl of negative emotions like self-criticism, blame, anger, and jealousy, and leading to words and actions that can make things worse (luckily, I didn’t actually punch anyone during yoga).
Picture this: you’re having a perfectly wonderful day when someone cuts you off in traffic. That sudden flash of anger and the urge to yell and shake your fist at them? That’s shenpa at work. Or you’re scrolling through social media and see a post that irks you. It could be a friend posting about something that you feel is a bit “braggy”, or someone’s ignorant comment. You feel that immediate flash of irritation, right? Yup, that’s shenpa again. It’s your brain’s way of saying “Hey, this bothers me!” But instead of letting it pass, we often latch on to it, spinning stories in our heads as we get more and more worked up.
Recognising our shenpa moments is the all-important first step in breaking free from these knee-jerk reactions. Think of this like hitting the pause button – like when the offending snorer pissed me off – and understanding what triggers us and how we typically react. Instead of wrestling with these emotions or beating ourselves up, we can acknowledge them with kindness. Accepting that we’re human, complete with flaws and emotional ups and downs.
This way we open up space for growth, patience, and a more peaceful existence (and not getting into trouble for physically assaulting someone during a yoga class is an added bonus).
PS: Intrigued by shenpa? You read more about it here: The Shenpa Syndrome. Hit reply and let me know what you think.
