The words you use — out loud or in your head — aren’t just random thoughts floating by. They shape your body, your brain, and your ability to notice opportunities.
This is why positive language matters more than you think
You might try “being nice” to yourself and plastering affirmations all over your fridge to “remind” you to use more positive language. Things like “You are powerful, wise, and totally capable ” (Unless, of course, you forget to defrost the chicken. So beans on toast then. Again.)
But generally, affirmations are a good start — because they remind your brain what to focus on. And they affect how your body responds to stress or calm, often triggered by the words you use.
One small shift to positive language can change everything
Have you ever said to yourself, something like:
“What if it all goes wrong?”
“What if I lose everything and end up living in a shoebox in the gutter, eating gravel for breakfast?” (OK that’s a bit extreme — maybe just too much Monty Python?!)
The point is that your brain can easily launch into a full-blown technicolour disaster reel. Those images are conjured up by the language you use. And because your brain struggles to tell the difference between what’s real and what you vividly imagine, your body starts reacting as if it’s actually happening right now: heart racing, palms sweaty, body bracing for the downward slide to shoebox living and gravel eating!
But what if you just asked a better question?
“What if they love it?”
“What if it works better than you imagined?”
“What if this one small action sets off a chain of brilliant, unexpected success?”
Change the question, and your brain changes what it notices.
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
~ Henry Ford
Let’s use an example of how this could work. Imagine you have to give a presentation of some sort. Instead of, “What if it all goes wrong?” you ask “What if it all goes great and everyone love’s it?”
Notice what images appear in response to that positive question.
Notice how it feels in your body.
What are you saying to yourself now?
Because what if… it actually goes great? There’s at least a 50/50 chance — and you can move that percentage in your favour by asking positive questions.
Your brain’s job is to answer questions — it will start looking for evidence to match whatever you’re asking.
Meet your RAS: Your brain’s internal search engine
Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a little bundle of neurons in your brainstem that acts like your brain’s bouncer.
Its job? To filter the millions of bits of information around you and decide what’s worth noticing.
It bases those decisions on what you tell it is important.
So when you keep asking, “What if this goes wrong?” your RAS goes, “Right! Let’s look for all the ways this could go wrong.”
You’ll begin feeling stressed and second-guessing yourself. It’s like your brain is running its own worst-case-scenario Netflix series — all based on one ropey question.
But if you flip the question — “What if it all goes right?” — suddenly your RAS starts scanning for opportunities, solutions, and reasons to feel hopeful. It’s like re-routing your internal GPS to a new destination. Preferably somewhere more picturesque than “Impending Doom Avenue.”
Why this works
Unfortunately, most of us have a well-developed imagination for disaster.
That’s why this little reframe works — not by denying reality, but by balancing it with positive language — and strategic thinking.
You’re training your brain to look for a wider range of possibilities — not just the ones that involve public embarrassment — or living in a gutter eating gravel. So instead of plummeting down into doom, you can begin spiralling up.
“Your brain grows and changes based on feedback. What you tell it, changes it.”
~ Shad Helmstetter
Another word about language
Let’s play with the same example: “What if it all goes wrong?”
You might try to flip it with: “What if it doesn’t all go wrong?” The problem is you’ve now introduced a negative word, “not”. And your brain struggles with negations. In fact, it often ignores them altogether — and keeps focusing on exactly what you’re trying to avoid.
Why is that?
It’s because your brain can’t create an image of something you say doesn’t exist, without first creating a picture of it existing! Don’t believe me? Okay, challenge accepted! Notice what your brain does with the following:
- Don’t think about a pink giraffe
- Don’t panic!
- You don’t need to think about everything that could go wrong.
- Don’t worry — there’s nothing to stress about.
See what happened?
Your mind quietly deletes the “don’t” and leaves you with:
- A pink giraffe
- Panic!
- Thoughts of everything that could go wrong!
- A sudden urge to find something to worry and stress about!
Helpful, right?
How to use this in real life
Next time you feel that dread kick in:
- Pause.
- Change to positive language. Say “Okay, yes — but what if it all goes right?”
- Let your brain go looking. You might find optimism, opportunity or at the very least a slightly more helpful soundtrack than, “You’re useless, Stephanie.” (That’s me. If your name is also Stephanie, sorry you got caught in the crossfire!)
Extra points if you write your answers down — or say them out loud with exaggerated confidence (Ten more for doing it in a posh accent, or a seductive voice).
The questions you ask shape your experience
Start using positive language and asking questions that give your brain something better to imagine.
What about daring to expect success?
Go on. Try it. Let me know how it goes. I love a good success story.
Check out Negative Self-Talk: Stop It and Start Feeling Better for other ways to change your thinking.
And if you’re ready to shift more than just your self-talk, SHIFT Coaching might be just the reset you need.
You don’t have to keep putting up with a basket case in your own head.
Worst case? You still get beans on toast — but with a side of optimism.
P.S. Does this look anything like the pink giraffe you weren’t supposed to think about?
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Tags: Communication skills, Language, Self-awareness, Self-confidence and self-esteem, Self-talk, Speaking and presentation, Thinking and mindset
