Dr. Suess once wrote, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” As we near the end of another year, I find this quote to be very apropos. While some of you may be doing a little happy dance, others may be struggling.
I spent this past Saturday and Sunday at the New York Open Center getting trained on a stress reduction technique called EFT (also known as tapping). I want to start doing it with clients because it’s such a powerful tool. Anyway, for those of you who are unfamiliar with tapping, essentially it’s an emotional version of acupuncture. By tapping on specific acupressure points while either speaking or thinking about something that is troubling us, we can diffuse the negative energy surges we experience during stressful times.
One thing I found interesting during the training, was how often folks felt sadness in regards to happy memories of situations and people. You’d think when something amazing happened in our lives, we’d always look back and feel good about it. I observed quite the opposite though.
Nostalgia is actually super common. We sometimes long for the past, rather than experiencing the yummy feelings we felt during those times. As I listened to folks talk about their pain, I began to realize that even though most of them spoke of times they said were good, the sadness all came from loss or lack. People spoke of loved ones no longer in their lives—due to a death, a breakup, or the end of a friendship. They spoke of times in their lives that were “more fun” than their current lives—and times that were more carefree. It always had to do with something they didn’t have in the now.
It made me wonder why it can be so difficult at times to have those types of memories and be filled with wonderful feelings. I mean, those memories were supposedly good ones, right? It’s a shame really when you think about it. I certainly don’t want all the good stuff that comes along to eventually feel icky when it becomes a distant recollection.
So, how do we prevent that from happening? I’m still working on trying to fully get this myself (because I’m not the greatest at dealing with loss), but I’m thinking a combo of accepting ourselves wherever we’re at right now (a key concept in EFT), changing our thinking, and gratitude can help.
If we are grieving—acknowledging, accepting and feeling our feelings is important. Sometimes it feels easier to convince ourselves we didn’t actually like or need the people or things no longer in our lives. Doing so is really just a way of trying to avoid the pain of whatever it is we miss though. Trying to love those people or situations can be hard, but it really does feel so much better. Trying to find the lessons we may have learned, or the reasons for the temporary nature of some of life’s most amazing gifts can bring us ease.
Obviously being grateful for those special moments with special people in special places, doing special things is important—but I think it’s just as important to be grateful for what we have right now too. Because if we’re not, then all those fond memories start feeling icky because we are remembering them from a place of lack. We then focus on what we once had that we no longer have, and that never feels good. It’s where that pain comes from.
It can definitely be tricky at times. It’s natural to miss people and phases in our lives. Whenever my five year old tells me she’s going to miss me, I tell her missing someone or something is actually a beautiful thing because it means we love that person or thing. If we didn’t care, we wouldn’t miss anything or anyone.
It’s ok to have those feelings, but if they are interfering with your life regularly, then it may be time to regroup—it may be time to refocus. I don’t know about you, but I sure would rather smile than cry when I reflect on the past. It can definitely take a bit of effort, but making these shifts are well worth it in the long run!
That’s it—that’s all I got for ya!
Happy day!
P.S.-If that doesn’t help, tapping will!! To learn more about tapping, and all the things it can help with, leave me a comment with a question, or check out thetappingsolution.com or eftuniverse.com. It’s AMAAAAAAAAZING!!!!
P.S.S.-Like I said before, I’m still workin’ on this one myself, so as I understand it a little better, I’ll be sure to fill ya in on what I figure out!
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