Putting everyone else first can come at high personal cost

The Cost of Putting Everyone Else First

You know that feeling when you’re doing everything you can to be the best mum, the best partner, the best at everything—only to find yourself completely drained? It’s like no matter how much you give, it’s never enough, right?

We’ve all been there, trying to live up to these sky-high expectations, often at the expense of our own well-being. Society tells us we have to be everything for everyone, but what about us?

And the expectations of being able to create the perfect summer holidays can often ruin them!

Discovering My Essential Maintenance Practice

Let me share something personal. I’ve always been an extrovert, so spending time in silence and solitude? That used to sound impossible to me. But recently, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and went on a silent retreat. It was a weekend where I didn’t have to be a mum, a coach, or even chat with anyone—just me and my thoughts. And guess what? I was surprised by how energising it was. That anonymity, being with others, but in silence, was exactly what I needed.

Now, I’ve made it a regular part of my life. I’ve woven silence into my morning routine and even started attending a Saturday morning contemplative session on Zoom. It’s become my essential maintenance practice, and it’s made such a difference.

What We Believe: The Pressures of Motherhood

We believe we have to be the best mum possible—nothing less will do.
We want to give our kids a better childhood than we had, or at least as good.
There’s this pressure to be a ‘supermum,’ juggling everything flawlessly.
But when it comes to taking time for ourselves, we feel guilty, ashamed, even selfish.
And then there’s the perfect summer—we set such high expectations for ourselves and our families.

Here’s the truth: chasing perfection in all these areas means you’ll never actually be happy. That negative chatter in your head telling you you’re not enough? It’s not true.

In fact, when you’re running on empty, you’re at your worst. It doesn’t just affect you; it affects your family too. This constant striving comes at a cost—overwhelm, burnout, you name it. And it doesn’t magically stop once the kids are back at school. The stress just shifts to homework, after school activities, and everything else on the never-ending list.

We tell ourselves, “I will be happy when…” but let’s be real there are two lies here: “will” is the lie that you can’t be happy with your current circumstances and “when” is a moving target rather than a promise to be kept. The “when” for peace and happiness is actually now, regardless of the circumstances of your work or personal life. With those lies we keep pushing peace further away, and that happiness you’re chasing? It’s never going to arrive.

What’s the Right Approach? Let’s Shift the Perspective

So, summer’s over. Instead of getting swept up in the next wave of demands, take a moment to stop and ask yourself, “What do I need now?” It’s time to reflect on what healthy habits you can start—or stop—doing to take care of yourself.

Here’s the thing: it’s not just about “me time.” It’s about discovering your essential maintenance practice—something non-negotiable that keeps you healthy and energised. This isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. And trust me, your kids and partner will understand that you’re doing this so you can give them your best.

What works for one person might not work for another, and that’s okay. Maybe for you, it’s a monthly massage, a daily walk, or a quiet morning routine. For me, it’s that time in silence. The key is figuring out what fills your cup and making it a regular part of your life. (Just don’t ask me to take up running!)

Why It’s Right: Breaking Free from Burnout

Rejecting the Lie: Don’t buy into the lie that life has to be this chaotic, exhausting grind. It doesn’t. This phase of life doesn’t have to define you.
Filling Your Cup: Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. When you’re full, you show up better in all areas of your life—whether it’s at work, at home, or with your family. It’s not about being selfish; it’s about being sustainable. When you’re well, everyone benefits.
Sustainable Well-Being: Prioritising self-care isn’t just a nice idea—it’s essential for your health and happiness. And when you’re thriving, you’re in a much better position to help those around you to thrive too.

Practical Steps: How to Implement Essential Maintenance Practices

Identify Your Needs: Start by figuring out what really replenishes your energy. Try out different things—whether it’s meditation, a walk in nature, or just sitting quietly with your morning coffee—and see what sticks.
Overcome Guilt: It’s normal to feel guilty when you take time for yourself, but here’s the reframe: self-care is actually an act of service to your family. When you take that 30 minutes to rest before dinner, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re making sure you’re the best parent you can be when you’re with them.
Integrate into Routine: It doesn’t have to be complicated. Start small. Maybe it’s just 5 minutes of quiet in the morning or a quick walk after lunch. The point is to build these practices into your routine so they become as natural as brushing your teeth.

You Deserve to Thrive

To recap—stop believing that self-sacrifice is the only way to be a good mum. Discover your essential maintenance practice, fill your cup, and watch how everything else in your life improves.

You deserve to thrive, not just survive. Prioritise yourself, so you can continue to be the amazing mum you are—without the burnout.

I’d love to hear from you. What’s your essential maintenance practice? How do you make time for yourself amidst the chaos? Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s support each other on this journey.

Ways we can work together:

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