The word ‘ego’ was originally coined by Freud who died in 1939 so it’s important to acknowledge that this idea developed over 80 years ago. Freud had a very cerebral approach to the ego: he said it was the moderator between the ‘id’, which is our basic desires and the ‘superego’; our idealistic desires. This all sounds very well but a little over complicated and heavy in my view.
The ego is fundamentally a survival system that is designed to protect us. It gauges what it perceives to be good and bad, and right and wrong, and places itself and therefore us, at the very centre of the universe. Everything is all about us: it’s for us or against us.
The best way to think about the ego is that it bases itself in the past or the future. The past being memories and regrets and mostly in the negative so that we ‘don’t make the same mistakes again,’ to ensure our survival.
The trouble with this is that it is not remotely based in reality; that being in the present moment. As I write this blog post I’m here in the present moment, for a moment, then I notice my ego kicking in, thinking, “I hope people will like what I’m writing and find it valuable because I don’t think this is great,” or, “I don’t know how many people will read this anyway so what’s the point?”
I find the best way to think about the ego is to imagine this scenario: there is a ring of the doorbell, and you open the door to a stranger. The stranger is drunk and speaking non-stop; a tirade of opinions and judgments. We then proceed to let this drunken stranger into our ‘house’ (mind) where it lives rent free and berates us 24/7 with those opinions, judgements, and comments. We do not charge it rent, we do not and cannot tell it to be quiet, because it just carries on.
This, dear friends are the maniac that we have in our heads!
How do we manage the ego?
The ego is responsible for generating, it is said, over 60 thousand thoughts a day. We simply cannot manage that tirade. So, the first thing is to notice and become aware of are our thoughts, as just thoughts, like autumn leaves blowing on a wintery day.
We watch them as they blow by mostly with no conscious interest and then what suddenly happens, out of nowhere, we latch onto one of those thoughts, and embody that thought, like it is real. We literally ‘become’ that thought. Thoughts are not real. They are just, thoughts.
The thought now becomes a feeling or a state of being and says, e.g. “people cannot be relied on” or, “I’ll never be the success that I really believe I can despite what people say,” or, “I’m on a winning streak but sooner or later it’s going to come to an end.” The key here is not to embody our thoughts but just to watch them.
Have you notice sometimes you’ll have a crazy thought, or a dark thought you get distracted by, and moments later for some inexplicable reason, you are feeling just fine? The trick here is to let those thoughts drift by, because like any impulse, they will drift off into the sunset.
The other trick is to ask the question, “this thought right now, is it based in the past, the future or the present?” If it is in the future or the past you know you are in the grip of the ego.
Chances are, if you are in a flowing or good space you don’t even need to ask yourself that question because you are here present in this moment, with no ego.
Think of the ego as fear and the present moment, when you are right here right now, as love.
Many years ago, I nearly broke my back and my neck when I dived off a pier in an attempt to do a somersault, and landed in 10 centimetres of water on my neck, a drop of about 15 meters. The ego had a great idea: other young men were doing fancy swallow dives and somersaults, and pretty young women were present, and I thought I could join them, but I had no knowledge really of how to do this – I had only ever attempt a somersault off the side of a pool!
At the last minute I bottled out and fell like a stone. To this day I do not know how I’m not either dead, or in a wheelchair.
What do you think? Does this resonate with you?
Much of my work in speaking, coaching, and facilitating is about challenging and dismantling those thoughts that can so cripple us and to unpack and peel back the layers of fixed belief, culture and convention.
To find out more about my work why not come along to one of my Naked Speaker events, or book me as the Naked Speaker or set up some time to hone and develop your public speaking skills, which is my area of strength and expertise?
Don’t take care – take a risk!
Si.
P.S. Find out your Mojo score by completing the anonymous 2-minute Mojo-Meter here:
