My 6000 Mile, 6 Week Gamble

Tomorrow I fly to Portland.

It’s my first trip anywhere since 2020, and my first time to Portland—my happy place—since 2018.

Truth is, as much as I need it, I don’t know how it will go.

To say I’ve been feeling worn thin these last couple of years with the challenges life has thrown at me is an understatement. I shut down huge pieces of myself and I’ve felt stuck with writing, coaching and everything else.

It was only during the Spring that I felt the tiniest shift of energy, a faint glimmer that things might be ready to change, and this trip is part of what I’m calling the Big Reboot.

Those glimmers of change…

I’ve been writing a novel for years now, a passion project that runs deep, with a story and cast of characters that I’ve wanted to get back to since I hit writers block during the first Covid lockdown. I can say with absolute certainty that not finishing the novel would be a huge regret on my deathbed.

Under the banner of “Confidence Coach”, this coaching site no longer felt like me. It didn’t represent my own journey or growth, and it was focused on a narrow lane rather than being something that I can put my whole self into. After a hefty refocus and rewrite, the site is now under my own name—and now it feels like me.

I decided I was tired of a slowly decaying home interior, and started rolling through a bunch of improvements and redecoration projects. It’s a physical refresh to breathe new life into the same 4 walls.

The Big Reboot…

So I’m off to Portland for 6 weeks or so, a place that’s dear to me and a trip that feels integral to a kind of hard reboot.

I need a change of scene. I need to see some old friends. I need to have stretches of time to slip back into writing. I need to forge some new practices like reading and meditating, as well as reconnecting with what matters and just laughing myself stupid.

I can’t say that any of these things will happen, or that I’ll return to the UK having put a major dent in the novel or with a fresh spring in my step.

I’m bracing myself for the changes in the city since I was last there, and I’m trying to balance my expectations around doing it all and doing it all perfectly.

But as I arrive in Portland, there are 3 things I’ll aim to remember:

Permission

To write, for what I write to be horrible, to not have bundles of energy, to rest, to risk, to let things be how they are, to try something new.

Compassion

To bathe each day with compassion, not beating myself up for not doing it all or for tripping up, as well as giving room for the grief I’m holding.

Connection

To connect to where the energy is, whether that be writing, reading, seeing a good friend, exploring—it’s a practice of connecting with myself that’s been neglected.

If I can keep those 3 things in mind then I’ll be serving myself well.

Beyond that, who knows what will happen or how it will go. But damn am I interested in finding out…