What other people think about you is none of your business. Read that again. What other people think about you is none of your business.
My whole life, I have struggled with what other people think about me. Not in the sense that I have to post on social media daily to garner likes and hearts. Not in the sense that I have to be dressed to the 9’s every time I walk out my front door. What I struggle with is that I want to be seen. I want people to perceive me as I perceive me—that I am kind and giving. That I have a good heart and always mean well. I want people to see my heart is always in the right place, even if I may fall short.
For years, my ex-husband has slung blatantly false accusations at me. For years, it hurt me to my core that he would genuinely think that I was abusing our children or that I didn’t care about them. I would cry for hours that the father of my beautiful girls would think I’m such a vile person. I cried out to God, and I wanted answers. I wanted to know why my ex-husband couldn’t see the truth about me and who I am. And God answered me:
People are only capable of perceiving me to the degree to which they have dealt with and healed from their own trauma.
Here’s an analogy to explain: If Joe has worn blue lenses in his glasses his entire life, everything Joe sees will have a blue tint. Joe may not even realize that everything has a blue tint—he just sees how he’s always seen. I can be the most beautiful shade of red in the entire world, but if Joe continues to look at me through his blue lenses, he will always see me as purple. He will never be able to see me as red until he can take off his blue lenses and use clear ones. In this analogy, if the blue lenses are trauma, Joe has to deal with his trauma (blue lenses) before he can see me as I truly am. And I have to remember that his inability to see me as red makes me no less red.
If someone tells me I’m a terrible mom, that does not make me a terrible mom. It does not change the fact that I sacrifice daily for my children, that I’m their chauffeur, that I empathize with their emotional distress, that I take care of their basic necessities, and that I love them with all of my heart. And if you ask my kids, they will tell you I’m the best mom in the world. Someone else’s inability to see me as a great mom doesn’t make me a bad mom. Someone else’s perception of me does not change me unless I let it.
What someone else says or thinks about me can only affect me if I allow it to—and why would I want to allow that into my life? I know the truth—the person denigrating me doesn’t know me, that they are looking at me through the lens of their own trauma, and they certainly can’t see the truth of who I am. And some people don’t want to see the truth. So should I really allow the opinion of someone who is bent on not seeing the truth affect who I am?
So let them. Let them think what they want. Let them believe what they want. Let them say what they want. It doesn’t change who you are or Whose you are.
