From slushy streets to sunburnt feet: The joy of a Kiwi Christmas
Growing up in the UK, Christmas was a completely different affair. We’d dream of a magical ‘white Christmas’—you know, the kind from the movies where everything looks pristine and sparkly.
The reality? If it did snow, it usually turned into grey slush by lunchtime, like someone had spilled a giant, muddy Slushie over the entire town.
And let’s not forget the black ice—that turned every pavement into an Olympic-level skating rink where the only medal you’d win was for Best Unintentional Faceplant. It was festive, sure, but more “Deck Yourself on the Concrete” and less “Deck the Halls”.
My first Kiwi Christmas in Auckland, NZ seemed surreal
I felt like I’d stepped into some kind of parallel universe. The shop windows were lovingly decked out in fluffy cotton wool—or whatever that suspiciously snow-like substance was—carefully arranged to look as if a light breeze had artistically blown ‘snow’ into the corners.
It was as if retailers thought, “Let’s recreate a European Christmas! But, you know, in 26-degree heat.” And in a part of the country that’s never seen snow—even in winter! Really—did no one consider that snow couldn’t get into shopping malls?
Thankfully, this bizarre seasonal tradition seems to have melted away, as Kiwis finally embrace a Christmas that makes sense—complete with sunshine, jandals, and ice-cold drinks. Meanwhile, our friends in the Northern Hemisphere are still layering up, huddling by radiators, and freezing their bums off.
Honestly, I think we got the better deal.
How to embrace the chaos and charm of a Kiwi Christmas
Ah, Christmas in New Zealand—where the turkey gets swapped for a barbecued sausage, and Santa ditches his sleigh for a surfboard (because reindeer are rubbish on waves).
While our Northern Hemisphere mates sip mulled wine by the fire in woolly jumpers, we’re here rocking sunburn like it’s a fashion statement, squashing sandflies, tying to keep sand out of the potato salad, and attempting to look festive in jandals.
If that doesn’t make you chuckle, nothing will—except perhaps the free entertainment here in Raglan: watching visitors strut confidently onto our black iron sand beach, whip off their jandals, and immediately perform the ‘hot sand Haka’ as they realise their feet are now sizzling like sausages on the barbie.
Why Kiwi Christmas chaos is better with a sense of humour
Laughter, as it turns out, is not just the best medicine—it’s also the glue that holds our sun-soaked, slightly chaotic Kiwi Christmases together. Whether you’re navigating family dynamics, chasing inflatable reindeers along the beach, or just trying to survive the festive madness, humour is the key to a holiday you’ll fondly remember—perhaps for all the wrong reasons.
Let’s face it: Christmas can get a bit much
The pressure to make everything perfect—from the Instagram-worthy pavlova to finding a gift for the person who “doesn’t want anything” (lying toad!)—can suck the fun out of the season.
But laughter has this magical way of breaking the tension. It reminds us that life is meant to be enjoyed, not stage-managed. When things go hilariously wrong—it creates moments you’ll laugh about for years.
Celebrate the mishaps
Let’s be honest: the best Kiwi Christmas stories come from disasters
Like the Boxing day lunch time when one of my Bearded Collies stole an entire cooked chicken off the kitchen bench while I was outside for 2 minutes. When I came back in, the plate was sitting perfectly in place, like the chicken had simply teleported to another dimension. Meanwhile the dog had taken the whole chicken to his bed in another room and was happily getting stuck in!
Then there was the unforgettable Christmas visit from my Aunty Dorothy and Uncle Wesley. I was proudly playing tour guide when I decided to ‘pop a possum.’ For the uninitiated, possums (or opossums, if you want to get all proper and Australian about it) are pests here in NZ—wreaking havoc on native bush and birdlife.
They tend to freeze in car headlights and, well, get flattened. In the summer heat, roadkill possums don’t just lie there—they inflate like furry balloons. And if you happen to drive over one? Pop!
So, there I was, innocently “popping” a possum, unaware of the consequences. The stench that followed was biblical. It clung to the car like a bad smell in an elevator, seeping into our clothes and nostrils until we finally admitted defeat. We had to pull over, pile out of the car, and gulp in fresh air like survivors of some toxic event.
What’s Your Best Kiwi Christmas Disaster?
Did your dog demolish the Christmas ham? Did Uncle Barry set fire to the BBQ? Or maybe you’ve got a ‘pop a possum’ story of your own? Share your hilarious, chaotic, or downright ridiculous Kiwi Christmas moments in the comments below—I’d love to read them!
Ways to have some fun and laughter this Christmas
1. Pull out the games (and the crackers)
Christmas crackers are a Kiwi summer staple, but they’re rarely about the toy or the hat—it’s the cringe-worthy jokes that get us every time. “What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!” Groan. Even better, make up your own riddles and see who can come up with the most ridiculous.
2. Find the funny in the failures
Pavlova collapses? Add more whipped cream. Forgot to buy a gift? Wrap a packet of biscuits and call it “minimalist.” Christmas karaoke that sounds like a herd of wounded goats? Record it, play it back, and laugh until you cry.
3. Have a round of ‘best joke’
Everyone tells their best joke—or any one they can remember after three glasses of Christmas punch! There are loads here to choose from if you get stuck. Or just steal one from a Christmas cracker.
4. Play ‘Who’s the Turkey?’
Get everyone to write down their most embarrassing or funny Kiwi Christmas mishaps on slips of paper. Toss them into a hat, read them aloud, and guess whose disaster it was. You’ll be amazed what people confess.
5. Have a Pavlova Decoration Contest
Divide the family into teams and give each one a plain pavlova and a selection of toppings—whipped cream, fruit, chocolate, sprinkles, anything! The catch? The winning pavlova isn’t the prettiest one, but the funniest. Expect pavs shaped like reindeer, faces, or sunburnt Santas.
6. Host a ‘Bad Santa’ Gift Exchange
Forget the fancy gifts—set a $5 limit and challenge everyone to find the quirkiest, most ridiculous present possible. The tackier, the better! Think socks with flamingos, a 90s CD no one wants, or a plastic garden gnome. Watching everyone open their “treasures” will guarantee laughs all round.
7. Have a jandal (or gumboot) throwing competition
You could add bonus points for extra style—or the silliest walk aka the Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks.
What’s your secret to surviving a Kiwi Christmas?
Share your funny stories or tips in the comments below—I can’t wait to read them!
Graham Norton’s Red Chair Kiwi Tales:
Kiwis have shared some of the funniest stories on Graham Norton’s famous Red Chair segment. These tales often leave both the audience and Norton in stitches, showcasing the distinctive Kiwi humour that shines during the holiday season.
When you stop trying to create the “perfect” Christmas and start seeing the humour in the imperfections, you’ll realise that laughter is the most festive gift of all. It doesn’t cost a thing, doesn’t require gift wrap, and it’s absolutely impossible to return.
So this Christmas, whether you’re unwrapping presents, grilling sausages, or chasing a rogue blow-up reindeer down the beach, remember to laugh—because those are the moments that make the season sparkle.
And if all else fails, just blame it on the heat. After all, nothing says “Christmas in New Zealand” quite like sweating into your Christmas pudding! 😄
Here’s a special treat
Here’s a charming and funny retelling of the Christmas story by the children of St Paul’s Church in Auckland, capturing the festive spirit with a Kiwi twist. Some of these kids could have kids of their own by now. The video is 12 years old—yet in a funny way it’s timeless! Enjoy!
Wishing you a holiday season full of sun, silliness, and side-splitting laughter. Merry Christmas!
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