How to Stop Self-Sabotage – Jude Daunt Coaching

How to Stop Self-Sabotage: Why You Know What to Do But Don’t Do It

Picture this: you’ve invested in a course that could change your career, but you’re too nervous to show up to the live training sessions. You know exactly what needs to happen to reach your goals, but you keep procrastinating. You know what to do, but you don’t do it

Sound familiar? This pattern of knowing what to do but doing the opposite is something I see constantly with my clients – and it’s exactly what I want to help you break through.

The Student Who Changed Everything in One Moment

A few weeks back, a woman approached me at an event with a confession. She’d been enrolled in my coaching academy for months but had never attended a single live training session. She was too nervous.

But that day, she made a decision. Instead of continuing to hide, she introduced herself to me and committed to showing up. The next morning, when I started our live session and asked for first-timers, her hand shot up. By the end, she was thanking me for creating a space that wasn’t nearly as scary as she’d imagined.

This is what I call the “reset moment” – when someone stops doing the opposite of what they know they need to do and finally takes aligned action.

What Retail Taught Me About End Goals

Before I became a coach, I worked in visual merchandising for various Retail Stores in the UK. We had this concept called “end use” – understanding exactly why a customer would buy a particular item and where they planned to wear or use it.

If someone was buying a formal dress, the end use was likely a wedding or a special occasion. Knowing this helped us decide what accessories to display alongside it – shoes, bags, jewellery – everything they’d need for that specific outcome.

This same principle applies to your goals. You need to know your “end use” – your ultimate outcome – to make the right choices along the way. Sounds obvious, right? But so many of us skip this step.

When You Know the Steps But Aren’t Taking Them

Most of us aren’t confused about what we need to do. If you want to become a doctor, you know there are specific steps. If you want to lose weight, you know it involves changing your eating habits and moving your body more.

The problem isn’t lack of knowledge – it’s the gap between knowing and doing.

I had another academy student who’d made it almost to the end of her certification but couldn’t bring herself to submit her final portfolio. She knew exactly what needed to be done. In her professional life, she excelled at managing complex projects with clear timelines and accountability. But when it came to herself? She was stuck.

The difference? At work, she was accountable to someone else. For her own goals, she was accountable only to herself.

Making It a Priority (Even When You Don’t Want To)

Here’s something I realised about myself recently that made me laugh. I’ve been wanting to organise a retreat for my academy students for over a year. It’s a lovely idea, it would add value, but it’s not critical to their certification. It’s a “nice to do” rather than a “must do.”

As I was thinking about this, I literally added “organise retreat” to my to-do list for the first time. Why? Because if it’s not written down with a deadline, it won’t happen. I know this about myself, yet I’d been letting this goal float around in my head without any real commitment.

There’s that Tony Robbins quote: “A dream written down with a date becomes a goal, a goal broken down into steps becomes a plan, a plan backed by action makes your dreams come true.”

Simple? Yes. Obvious? Absolutely. Effective? Only if you actually do it.

The Life Assessment That Actually Works

Here’s what I want you to do right now – and I mean properly do this, not just read it and think “yeah, good idea” and move on.

Think about every major area of your life:

• Your relationships
• Your work or career
• Your health
• Your personal growth
• Your finances
• Your relationship with your children (if you have them)

For each area, ask yourself: What’s my ideal outcome? What do I actually want this to look like?

Then ask the harder question: What am I actually doing to achieve that outcome?

The gap between those two answers? That’s where your work is.

The One Step Backwards Method

When someone tells me they don’t know what they need to do, I introduce them to this classic coaching tool: working one step backwards.

Start with your end goal. Then ask: What needs to happen right before I achieve this? And what needs to happen before that? Keep working backwards until you reach where you are now.

Suddenly, you have a clear action plan. The path becomes visibl.

When You Need to Try Something Different

Sometimes you’re trying and trying and trying, but nothing’s working. The evidence is stacking up that your current approach isn’t effective. This is when you need to problem-solve differently.

You can’t keep kicking at something that isn’t working without figuring out why it’s not working. It’s like banging your head against a wall and wondering why you’ve got a headache.

The Areas You Focus On Will Grow

The areas of your life that you focus on will grow. This works both ways – if you focus on lack, you’ll get more lack. If you focus on problems, you’ll find more problems.

But if you focus on solutions, on taking action, on moving towards your goals? That’s where you’ll see real growth.

It’s like having a plant in the corner of your office – if you want it to grow, you need to give it attention. You need to water it, repot it when necessary, maybe give it some fertiliser, and prop it up when it gets too big. It requires effort. It won’t grow on its own.

The Questions That Change Everything

Instead of asking “Why isn’t this working?” start asking “What do I need to do differently to get the outcome I want?”

Instead of “I don’t know what to do,” ask “What would I try if I knew I couldn’t fail?”

Instead of “I’m not ready,” ask “What would make me feel more prepared, and how can I create that?”

See the difference? One set of questions keeps you stuck, the other moves you forward.

Your Action Plan for Breaking the Pattern

1. Get honest about where you’re self-sabotaging – In which areas are you doing the opposite of what you know you need to do?
2. Get clear on your end goals – What exactly are you trying to achieve in each area of your life?
3. Work backwards – What steps need to happen to get you from where you are to where you want to be?
4. Set actual deadlines – Dreams without deadlines remain dreams.
5. Create accountability – Find a way to be answerable for your progress, whether to yourself or others.
6. Try something different – If what you’re doing isn’t working, experiment with a new approach.