How To STOP Comparing Yourself To Others

A little competition is a healthy thing sometimes but this is a reminder about how to stop comparing yourself to others because the human experience is full of complexities of the mind and you might just need a little coaching today.

Settle in for a wild ride through the tangled jungle of the human mind and the epidemic that I call ‘Comparison-itis’.

I say it’s an epidemic because all of my clients have struggled with it at one time or another in our coaching relationship.

Human comparison – it’s somewhat ‘normal’ but it’s not exactly the healthiest habit you can have and that’s why I wanted to share this article on the different ways to stop comparing yourself to others.

If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling through social media, eyes glued to the highlight reels of your peers, or if you’ve ever felt a pang of envy when a coworker lands that promotion, then this blog post is tailor-made for you.

Yes, you—the one who can’t help but measure your worth against the skillset, finances, intelligence, or physical appearance of others.

Welcome to the grand spectacle of ‘comparison-itis’—a phenomenon so widespread, it’s practically an epidemic. As a seasoned coach, I’ve seen this sneaky little bugger rear its ugly head in every single client I’ve ever worked with.

It’s the silent saboteur that whispers, “You’re not good enough,” and it’s high time we sent it packing.

Yet at the same time, we need to do some self coaching and ask if you need to address your standards.

In today’s blog post, we’re diving deep into the murky waters of comparison. We’ll explore the many faces of ‘comparison-itis,’ from the subtle side-eye glances at your colleague’s paycheck to the dismay of seeing someone else’s six-pack abs (while you’re just trying to find the motivation to do a sit-up).

But fear not, this isn’t just a tale of woe and despair where you’ll leave feeling stressed and depressed. Oh, no! I’m arming you with a variety of ways to banish ‘comparison-itis’ from your life for good.

So, buckle up! We’re about to embark on an enlightening, and downright empowering journey. Ready to break free from the shackles of comparison? Let’s get started!

First off, let’s flip the script on social media. Yes, I know, it’s hard to look away from those meticulously curated highlight reels that make everyone appear to be living their best lives 24/7.

But remember, social media is the ultimate illusionist, showing you only the glamorous scenes while editing out the bloopers.

So, the next time you find yourself spiraling into the abyss of Instagram envy, remind yourself that you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s premiere night. And trust me, even the stars have their off days. 

Why Men Compare Themselves to Others

Men often compare themselves to others due to societal expectations and internalized beliefs about success and competition. From a young age, men are frequently taught to measure their worth based on achievements and status.

This competitive mindset can lead to constant comparisons as men strive to match or surpass their peers. Much research on this proves that, this behavior is rooted in the brain’s wiring, where repetitive thoughts create patterns that shape our identity and behavior.

When men see others as more successful or capable, it triggers feelings of inadequacy and stress, reinforcing negative self-perception and competitive habits.

Why Women Compare Themselves to Others

Women, on the other hand, often compare themselves to others due to societal pressures regarding appearance, relationships, and personal achievements. 

This is a behavior that goes as far back to studies of Cleopatra.

In today’s digital world it’s no surprise that social media amplifies these pressures by constantly showcasing idealized versions of life.

Research suggests that these comparisons are linked to emotional conditioning and habitual thought patterns that women develop over time.

Women might feel they need to conform to certain standards to be valued, leading to negative self-talk and diminished self-worth. This ongoing comparison cycle can result in anxiety and frustration as women struggle to meet perceived expectations.

So what can you do?

This bit of powerful advice, is easier said than done but oh so important to point out straight away but keep reading for other ways for you to stop comparing yourself to others.

1. Focus on Your Own Path

The first step to stop comparing yourself to others is to focus on your own path. Everyone’s journey is different, and comparing your progress to someone else’s is neither fair nor productive. Here are some tips to help you stay focused:

• Set Personal Goals: Define what success means to you and set goals that align with your values and aspirations.
• Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your milestones, no matter how small they may seem.
• Practice Gratitude: Regularly remind yourself of the things you’re grateful for in your life. This can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have.

2. Limit Your Exposure to Triggers

Certain situations or platforms might trigger your tendency to compare yourself to others. Identifying and limiting your exposure to these triggers can help you maintain a healthier mindset:

• Curate Your Social Media: Follow accounts that inspire and uplift you, and unfollow those that make you feel inadequate.
• Set Boundaries: Allocate specific times for social media and stick to them. Avoid mindlessly scrolling through feeds.
• Focus on Real-life Connections: Invest time in building and nurturing relationships with people who support and encourage you.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Being kind to yourself is crucial when trying to break the habit of comparison. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend:

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel envious or inadequate at times. Recognize these feelings without judgment.
• Practice Positive Self-talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations and remind yourself of your strengths and achievements.
• Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes: Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that these are opportunities for growth and learning.

4. Embrace Your Unique Qualities

Each person has unique qualities and strengths that make them special. Embracing your individuality can help you appreciate your own journey without comparing it to others’:

• Identify Your Strengths: Take time to reflect on your skills, talents, and qualities that make you unique.
• Pursue Your Passions: Engage in activities that you enjoy and that fulfill you, rather than trying to meet external standards.
• Stay True to Yourself: Make choices that reflect your values and beliefs, rather than trying to conform to others’ expectations.

Now, let’s talk about goals.

Often, we measure our success using someone else’s yardstick, which is about as effective as measuring temperature with a ruler. Men and women alike should set personal goals that resonate with their individual values and passions.

Whether it’s climbing the corporate ladder, mastering the art of sourdough bread, or becoming a yoga guru, your definition of success should be as unique as your fingerprint. Write it down, own it, and let it guide you like a North Star.

Next up, let’s give a standing ovation to self-compassion.

We’re all our own worst critics, and it’s high time we gave ourselves a break. Men, it’s okay to cry during a Pixar movie. Women, it’s perfectly fine to not have your life together by 30.

Embrace your journey, warts and all, because those bumps and bruises are what make your story compelling. Give yourself a pat on the back for the small victories, and don’t be afraid to take a bow for the big ones.

And let’s not forget the power of mentorship and community. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not those who subtly push you down.

Seek out mentors who inspire you and peers who challenge you in constructive ways.

For men, this might mean finding that wise old sage who’s been around the block a few times. For women, it could be a trailblazing professional who’s shattered glass ceilings. Whoever they are, let them be your guiding lights.

Finally, let’s inject a little humor into this serious business of self-improvement. Life’s too short to be taken too seriously, and laughter truly is the best medicine. Crack a joke, laugh at your failures, and don’t be afraid to be a little silly. After all, even Shakespeare knew the value of a good comedy amidst his tragedies.

Conclusion

Comparing your success to others is like trying to find the best seat in a theater showing a different play for each audience member. It’s an exercise in futility and frustration. Instead, focus on your own script, celebrate your unique journey, and enjoy the show. After all, you’re the star of your own life, and it’s high time you took center stage.

So, curtain up, lights on—let the world see the magnificent performance that is you.

Constantly comparing yourself to others can hinder your personal growth and happiness. By focusing on your own path, limiting exposure to triggers, practicing self-compassion, and embracing your unique qualities, you can break free from this harmful habit. Remember, your journey is unique, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and rewarding life on your own terms.