Wow, just wow. Today was a crazy day energetically, and also a day filled with pain, lessons, growth and miracles!
I found myself at the dentist for what appeared to be some kind of major gum infection. It started on Friday and I figured I could get a handle on it through natural means. Wrong. It was now Tuesday and it was definitely worse.
Dr. B took one look at it and grimaced. Yep. I had to agree. “It feels as bad as it looks, I said.” He examined my gums, took some pictures and gave me the news. It’s not an infection but an autoimmune response to something you ate or perhaps stress. I can’t give you antibiotics but it should peak out in about 7 days. Call me if it gets worse and if not, come back in a week.
Shit. Really?
So, I went home and put into action what I teach. The body is always sending us messages. I looked up the meaning of discomfort in the gums and it said “indecision.” Sure enough, I had a week and a half of indecision around a business move and this was a clear sign it was time to take action.
Then I wrote an email for my community and entitled it “Marching to the gas chamber.” Even though I felt a slight twinge of “maybe this is too much,” I kept it because it was referring to something I had made mention of in my email; a reaction so huge (in response to something so small) that it felt like a perfect description. At any rate, I ignored my thoughts to reconsider and sent the email.
Within a short time I noticed about 25 people had unsubscribed from my email list. And then came the barrage of emails from people, saying about how disrespectful my title was. One woman in particular, mentioned it was not only inappropriate given that Jews were fasting on this day, but that it was disrespectful altogether.
I wrote back to a few people, explaining that I had no idea it was a Jewish holy day (not even my chiropractor, a devout Jew, took the day off). I explained it was an honest mistake (actually it was a choice, not a mistake) and apologized. Then I sent an apology email with a different title (which included the word “shit,”) to which I received one email reprimanding me for using “bad language.” C’mon, really? I responded to that person, firmly and with love, that I GET TO BE ME. And I do.
Even so, I noticed those familiar feelings creeping in, the ones I used to have for much of 50 of my 58 years, every time I felt I had done something wrong or offended someone. Which then went into the self-talk…that horrifying feeling that you should now give apologies; that people are displeased with you, you’re wrong and you wish you had never done what you did, that you’re a failure and of course, finishing up with because of this one incident, you and your business are doomed.
I started having that old churning in the pit of my stomach and swirling energy in my solar plexus. I started down a rabbit hole. I allowed myself to notice and then chose to kick into high gear. Whereas my old life pattern would’ve been to get angry, defend, blame, run away or possibly numb out, this time I didn’t, because I’ve been doing the work. We habitually react to things like this without knowing why. And then we create suffering for ourselves and others for minutes, hours or weeks. But what a joy this experience was for me!! I allowed myself to feel the discomfort. I talked about it with some friends and even did a FB live. After dinner I sat down to write this.
Oh, the miracles and magic of the Universe!! How synchronistic and perfect for what I’m teaching. How right on target with the message of the wonky energies showing up this entire month, as we head into a time of more light being shed on the planet – shining the flashlight on our wounds. Creating an opportunity for transformation.
And how blessed I am that as soon as I noticed the old feelings, I was able to laugh in joy and gratitude. I saw the entire email event as a huge blessing, propelling me further into my authenticity, purpose and passion; releasing old, deep wounds and examining my discomfort. AND, getting really clear on my beliefs – solidifying them even more.
See, the Universe orchestrates everything perfectly. And when you do the work, you get that. You see and take advantage of it as it’s something that’s lifting you and everyone you’re in contact with, higher.
The real benefit of this work is that you stay clear, concise and out of a story. Your energy stays high. When you see the true reason you’re brought these circumstances and you work with them, the need to judge, criticize, condemn, complain or otherwise, literally evaporates. And that is worth its weight in gold. These experiences are never about anyone but YOU. Once you get that and shift your ways of being, you are FREE.
And let me stress something. Whether you know someone or not, you don’t get to judge them. When we judge others, we are:
Resentful that they are fully expressing themselves, which we are not.
Projecting our disowned behaviors onto someone else and so, are disapproving of theirs.
Envious that someone has achieved a level of success that we have not.
Jarl Forsman, blogger for Tiny Buddha says:
”Becoming aware of the nature of your judgments doesn’t mean that you no longer have preferences. You may still notice that certain types of behavior seem unappealing.
But with right understanding and a little work, discernment rather than judgment kicks in and causes you to feel compassion for others, even if you’re not enthusiastic about their behavior. At the very least, you’ll feel neutral.”
Discernment is awareness and understanding without the emotional response.
Eventually you come to understand that each experience is an opportunity to grow and every person who triggers you is your teacher.
I don’t need to justify my title for yesterday’s email. But for those of you who were offended, I’ll add this. My ex is a Jew, my daughter went through a ceremonial mikvah in LA when she was a child, was raised and batmitzved as a Jew. She can chant the Amidah and Mourner’s Kaddish by memory and more. She loves her Jewish roots. I’ve been to many of the Holocaust museums and even Dachau in Southern Germany. I’ve shed plenty of tears over the horrors of what happened. And I’ve also shed tears over the countless other genocides that have occurred throughout history.
My belief is this and it’s unshakeable for me.
I understand the importance of remembering and honoring those people who died. But I believe we create what we focus on, especially when we come together with the masses. We see the results of this all of the time. So, it’s imperative that my mission, teaching and practice includes focusing on the good and what we want that’s good. We want positive outcomes. We want to remember the miracles and magic that came from a most horrific time.
There were many who miraculously survived and lived to tell. Eva Galler, Solomon Radsky, Helga Weiss, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Roman Polanski to name just a few. And although every story has a sadness of it’s own, if we look for the miracles, the lessons, the silver lining, we are sure to find them. And there were absolutely, miracles that happened. Let’s start there.
If we don’t begin changing from the inside out (learn to love and accept ourselves and others) and begin creating a world of our choosing – a peaceful world, then history will continue to repeat itself.
And this is exactly the reason I’m here. Not only to lead you to your more authentic self, but to increase your awareness and emotional intelligence. I’m here to lead you to love, joy and freedom and I won’t rest until I make a dent in the ways of being on this planet. I want as many people as possible to take responsibility for themselves, see and actively change their patterns, release blame and listen to and embrace others opinions and ideas. And I bring understanding, tools and processes that work to accomplish this.
On that note, I will continue to be ME. Authentically, transparently, vulnerably and powerfully. I will continue to take a stand for humans to rise. I will hold an intention that many will answer the call and do the work it takes. And I will always show up to share what I’m learning and teach what I know. And I will always release, in love, those who want to judge, blame or criticize…as I’m too busy supporting people in transformation, serving out and giving, to participate in that.
What will you choose?
