Just how easy is it to change your mind?
Ah, changing your mind—it sounds so simple, doesn’t it? The process of making a behavioural change can seem super simple. With 86 billion neurons in that soft squidgy stuff between your ears, you would think that changing your mind or a behaviour would be as simple as crossing the road. But simple doesn’t always mean easy.
What if the road you were trying to cross was a busy motorway? And the exit you needed was 10 metres in front—but you were stuck in the lane furthest from it?
Why trying to change your mind feels like pulling teeth
The problem is that, of the sixty to seventy-thousand thoughts we have each day, about 90% are the same thoughts we had yesterday—and the day before. These automatic thoughts run along neural networks like cars on a busy motorway, moving quickly and efficiently toward a familiar end point.
This mental ‘autopilot’ is comfortable—it saves energy—but it also means we’re constantly travelling down the same paths, leading to the same behaviours and emotions. When we’re stuck in this fast lane of repetitive thinking, it can feel nearly impossible to pull over and take a different route.
Most of us are familiar with the comfort of a modern car where we zip along on smooth, straight motorways at high speed to and from work. Just as our motorway trip leads us consistently to our unchanging destination, our everyday repetitive thoughts lead us to make the same unchanging choices; choices which in turn lead to the same behaviours and experiences.
They no longer feel like choices
Those experiences create the same emotions, which then drive the same thinking patterns and behaviours. Just like our daily commute, the loop repeats itself.
Our thoughts affect our body’s biology; our neuro-chemicals
Neuro-chemicals are chemical messengers in the brain, such as dopamine and serotonin, that influence everything from mood and motivation to focus and stress levels.
When we think certain thoughts, these neuro-chemicals are released and can either reinforce positive behaviours—like confidence and calm—or contribute to negative patterns, such as stress and anxiety. Over time, repeated thoughts hardwire these chemical responses into our brains, making it more challenging to break free from old behaviours.
So if we keep thinking the same thoughts, they become hard wired into our neurology and the neurons continue to fire the same way automatically. This becomes part of who we are—our personality.
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
So when you try to change your mind, or a behaviour; it’s like trading in your sleek, comfortable car for an old, rattling banger with a faulty gearbox along an old, winding, gravel road—with a puncture! In other words, it’s excruciatingly uncomfortable. It is oh-so-easy to slip back into your old, automatic ways.
Suddenly, the smooth, effortless drive becomes bumpy and unpredictable. The new, slower pace—where we’re forced to think about every turn and manoeuvre—feels frustrating. It’s no wonder we’re tempted to go back to our familiar route, even if we know it won’t take us to where we want to be. Changing your old ways can feel like the mental equivalent of breaking down at the side of the motorway, on a holiday weekend—utter chaos.
So, like I said, simple—yet not necessarily easy
Breaking free from auto-pilot thinking
One way to get past this conditioning is to begin imagining yourself as a different person. No—not Keanu Reeves or Reese Witherspoon! Just imagine yourself as the you, you want to be.
Mental Rehearsal: Your Brain’s GPS to Change
Think about how you’d like to behave in one of the situations that trigger an unwanted behaviour, resulting in you feeling bad. Then imagine behaving in that situation, in a new way, thinking about how you want to feel, what you want to say and how you want to talk to yourself and others.
I call this process ‘sensualisation’
The idea is you use all your senses to create your new way of being in your mind. (You can find out more about this approach in this post, or in my Goal Setting book)
Let’s say you often find yourself getting flustered during work meetings, especially when asked tough questions. Instead of repeating that same cycle, take a moment to mentally rehearse a different version of events.
Picture yourself in that meeting, looking calm, cool as a cucumber, and in control. See yourself pausing before you answer, taking a deep breath, and confidently responding. Hear the sound of your own voice, steady and clear, as you explain your point of view. Imagine others around the table nodding in agreement, and notice how relaxed and confident you feel in your body, throughout the interaction.
Family arguments? Rehearse your saint-like calmness
If you occasionally (ahem) lose your cool during family ‘debates’, mental rehearsal can help you turn into a Zen-master. If you typically react with frustration or anger, try visualising a new response. See yourself staying composed, choosing your words thoughtfully, and listening to the other person with empathy—even if they’re being difficult.
Imagine how good it will feel to stay in control of your emotions and leave the conversation feeling proud and calm, like a saint—rather than the Incredible Hulk!
Repeat your mental practice several times before you put yourself in the situation again.
This technique works to change your mind, and thus your behaviour, because your mind doesn’t know the difference between something that you vividly imagine and something that’s real. So the process of repeatedly imagining a new way of behaving starts to rewire your brain.
Your brain is like a GPS
Before we embark on a new journey, we often check the map or plug the destination into our GPS app. This gives us a clear idea of where we need to turn, when to change lanes, and which exits to take. Similarly, when it comes to changing behaviour, mental rehearsal is like your personal ‘map app’.
By vividly imagining yourself navigating a new situation and practising the behaviour you want to adopt, you’re preparing your brain to take the right exit at the right moment, rather than missing it and going off course. the behaviour you want to avoid. You know this because you’ve tried before; your brain goes into auto-pilot mode and you just behave as you’ve always done—ending with the bad emotional state.
This would be akin to going on a new motorway journey without any preparation, finding you’re in the fast lane doing the maximum speed and see the exit you need to take—just as you’re going past it! You have no choice but to continue straight on. You end up in a place you didn’t want to go.
Most people don’t rehearse positive responses
We’ve probably had that moment of panic when we realise we’re speeding past the exit we needed to take. It’s frustrating, but when it comes to making lasting changes, it’s even more so—because we’re not just missing a turn; we’re missing the chance to shift our behaviour in the way we really want.
The good news? With the right mental preparation and emotional control, you can make sure you’re in the right lane, ready to exit at just the right time. So next time you’re faced with a situation where you want to change your behaviour, you have to change your mind first.
Imagine that new destination, rehearse it mentally, and keep your focus on staying in the correct lane.
Only you can change your mind
Only you have control over your emotional state. When you’re in a great emotional state, everything in the world conspires to help you get what you want. The reason I call my six-day course, The Power of Personal Change is because when you change, everything around you—including the people in your life—also change. When you change your mind, behavioural changes are the flow on effect.
The changes you make mean others have to respond differently to you.
Remember this
Changing a behaviour may seem simple, but it’s not always easy—especially when we’re stuck on autopilot. Our daily thoughts become deeply ingrained, leading us to repeat the same choices—resulting in a poor emotional state.
By imagining ourselves as the person we want to be and rehearsing new responses, we can start to rewire our brains and make lasting changes. Ultimately, while changing your mind is within your control, it requires preparation, mental practice, and a focus on positive emotional states.
“Yesterday, I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ~ Jalal al-Din Rumi
The alternative is trying and change everyone around you
Trying to change others is a complete waste of time and energy. How would you like it if someone tried to change you? But changing yourself, voluntarily?
Now that’s a mission worth pursuing.
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Tags: Change, Managing mood and emotions, Self-awareness, Thinking and mindset
