A Season of Singleness

Well it’s been a long while since I’ve written a post on here! That’s a long story for another time. But as I was sitting on the beach this morning just enjoying the sun, my coffee and spending time with Jesus, I felt His prompting to share about my season of singleness and encourage you.

For those who don’t know, I’ve been dating the most wonderful man, Taipari, for just over 4 months…my first boyfriend! And when I asked the Lord when I should share this post, I felt Him say, ‘now’. I instantly felt the, ‘who do you think you are to share that story now’ feeling, as it has only been 4 months. And I told that to the Lord, but apparently it didn’t matter.

So here we are. There’s so much I could share, most of it is for another time. But when I was speaking to the Lord and writing down some thoughts, I felt to share 2 things. Firstly, a bit of my story. And secondly, to speak into the lies we believe (particularly women) when we’re single.

NOTE: I want to preface here that we all have different stories and different journeys. This is mine, and I pray it brings glory to God because my story is all because of Him. There is zero judgement or condemnation if your story looks different, or even if you feel like you’ve made mistakes in this area. You are extremely precious, and God works ALL things for good for those who love Him. I simply pray my story encourages you to live God’s best for you.

Like most girls, I’ve always had the desire to be married. My Pinterest wedding board started at a young age, as did my boy crushes! All I can say is thank God for His protection. I always knew I just wanted to date one man and save my whole heart for him. So at the age of 16 I made the decision that I would wait faithfully for the man God had for me. And I believed God had specifically made a man who would perfectly fit with me and we would compliment each other. I believed that people would say, “it’s like they were made for each other”.

And while I was committed to waiting, if you had told me at the age of 16 I was going to be single for another 10 years, I probably would’ve thrown a book at you and cried for a year. And yet here we are! It’s funny, what seemed so absolutely unbearable at the time, produced some of the sweetest fruit in my life. And while I can never quite seem to understand God’s timing, looking back I’m so thankful He gave me the strength and patience for that season, for I believe this season of dating is far sweeter because of it.

I’m going to be completely honest, those 10 years particularly between the ages of 16 and 26 were hard. And they got harder the older I became. But I actually believe our biggest growth is in our hardest seasons, and I know those years produced in me patient endurance, strength and resilience. And most importantly, those years established my identity in Jesus. For if my identity was not securely found in Jesus, I would look for it in a man. And a man (or any human for that matter) is not a good foundation for your identity. As much as I’m all for men, they cannot tell you who are you – they should only be telling you WHOSE you are.

And as I look back, I feel like one of the main reasons I found that season was so hard was because of that battle over my identity and the lies the enemy came at me with. I know I’m not the only one who battled with these lies, and so right now I felt like the most helpful thing I could encourage you in, as a freshly dating woman, is to smash those lies and speak the TRUTH over you. And I pray your heart would believe it.

Those 10 years of waiting for the man God had for me I called “the hidden years”. For I felt as though I was not ‘seen’ by guys. The very word “hidden” almost seems counterintuitive to what our hearts so deeply desire – to be SEEN and to be KNOWN. And when all our friends partner up and we’re still single, it’s almost a natural response in our culture to think, “what’s wrong with me?” “Am I not pretty enough? Smart enough? Sexy enough? Is my nose too sharp? Butt too flat? Boobs to small? Am I not enough? Or maybe I’m too much…” We go through all the different scenarios in our head and try to figure out what’s wrong with us. Why are we not seen? Why do guys pay no attention? Why would God want us to be hidden? Does he not care about who we spend the rest of our life with?

I’d think to myself, there must be something I need to work on in order for my man to come. So what is that one thing I need to be better at? I went on a search for all the “one things” that would make me pass this test I assumed the Lord had; each time, coming up empty. I went searching, believing I could earn the Lord’s love in the form of a husband. Little did I know that the ONE THING I needed all along was to simply be in love with Jesus.

One day, I came to this revelation that the reason I was not “seen” by guys was not that I was not good enough. In fact, quite the opposite. The Lord considered me so valuable and so precious that he couldn’t let just anyone have my heart. For those that did not understand my worth would not treat me as I deserved or love me the way Jesus loves me. It was for my protection.

It wasn’t because the Lord hated me that I was hidden, it was because the Lord loved me. Overwhelmingly so.

Precious one, the Lord is protecting and preserving YOU for the partner He has for you, if you would let Him write your story. And just like I was ‘seen’ by Tai in God’s perfect timing, your future partner will ‘see’ you.

Darling, please don’t settle. You are worth far more than that. I know it may seem like the pool is getting smaller and all the good ones are taken, but your future partner is not taken. If you have trusted the Lord in this area of your life, I promise you He will faithfully keep and reserve the man or woman He has set apart for you. He may or may not be in your life right now, but don’t you dare settle for anything less than what you are worth. Don’t settle for less than what you have prayed for, girls, don’t settle for someone who does not treat you like an absolute queen. Don’t settle for someone you can’t get along with or have fun with, please don’t settle. For if you would just hold out a little longer for the partner God has for you, they will be over and above what you have prayed for.

This one may be a little more controversial, as I’ve heard of many giving the very opposite advice. But this is what I believe. If you have trusted God with your love story, the only thing you should be ‘doing’ is growing closer to Jesus. It’s all well and good to join new communities and make new friends; there’s nothing wrong with that at all. But I don’t believe the reason you’re not in a relationship is because you haven’t done enough. That sounds like a whole lot of striving to me!

The Lord will bring the right person to you in the right time, and you won’t need to strive for it. You will both end up in the same place at the right time. Trust the Lord, follow His leading. If He calls you to a new community, go, follow His voice! But the Lord is very capable to get you where you need to be at the right time.

You are so very precious, and I pray you would resolve in your heart to let God write your love story and wait for the one He has for you. I promise it’s worth it!