Authenticity used to feel like an abstract, impossible concept to me—one of those words people toss around without really understanding what it means. I certainly didn’t.
If I’m honest, it felt safer to be a chameleon. I became and did what I thought others wanted. Which led to a lot of peacekeeping, people-pleasing, and co-dependency.
At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. Keep the peace. Avoid conflict. Make everyone happy. But in reality? It was exhausting.
I found myself in relationships that didn’t work and situations that left me feeling constricted and heavy. My life didn’t feel like mine—because it wasn’t.
Fast forward to now and where I finally get what it means to be authentic. For me, it’s no longer about trying to meet some external standard of “realness.” Instead, authenticity has become a feeling. It’s about checking in with myself. If something feels expansive and good, it’s a yes. If it feels heavy or draining, it’s a no.
Here is what’s changed as a result: I’ve stopped taking myself so seriously. And I’ve stopped worrying so much about what others think about me. Instead, I worry about what I think about me.
Case in point? These days, you might catch me car dancing because it’s fun and feels good. Imagine disco music blaring and me dancing in my seat to the beat of the music. (Yes, I’ve gotten giggles and some strange looks, and I’ve also gotten thumbs up from strangers!)
Or you might find me singing in elevators with my sister, not caring who hears us. The old me would’ve worried endlessly about looking silly. The new me? She’s having fun and spreading that fun around like glittered confetti.
The Neuroscience of Authenticity
So, why does authenticity feel so good and so freeing? Let’s look at what’s happening in your brain.
When you’re stuck in people-pleasing mode, your brain’s prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for decision-making—is working overtime to reconcile your actions with the version of yourself you think others want to see. This creates cognitive dissonance, which is just a fancy way of saying there’s tension between who you are and how you’re showing up.
That tension isn’t just emotional—it’s physical. It triggers your stress response, flooding your body with cortisol. Over time, this constant “on-edge” feeling leaves you drained and disconnected.
But when you show up authentically, your brain operates in alignment. Your actions match your values, which creates a sense of ease and flow. Dopamine, your brain’s reward chemical, kicks in, reinforcing the good feelings that come with being true to yourself.
In short: authenticity isn’t just freeing—it’s energizing.
Three Tips to Start Living More Authentically
Ready to tap into that expansive, good-feeling energy? Here are three tips to experiment with:
1. Check in With Your Body
Authenticity isn’t just a thought—it’s a feeling. Your body is your compass. Ask yourself, “Does this feel light or heavy? Expansive or constricting?” Trust the signals your nervous system is sending you. If something feels off, it probably is.
2. Notice Where You Feel Most Like Yourself
Authenticity often reveals itself in the spaces where we feel most natural, energized, or at ease. Think about the moments or environments where you don’t feel the need to perform—maybe it’s a casual coffee with a friend, a hobby you lose yourself in, or even dancing in your car at a stoplight. 😉 Pay attention to what feels good and lights you up, then ask yourself: “How can I bring more of this into my daily life?” But don’t just ask yourself the question, make it a point to do something every day that feels most like you.
3. Let Go of the ‘Shoulds’
We spend so much time doing what we think we should do instead of what feels right. (Should-ing all over ourselves.) Pause and ask, “Who am I doing this for?” If the answer isn’t you, it might be time to reassess what and why you’re doing what you’re doing.
Permission to Be You
Because the truth is, the world doesn’t need another chameleon blending in—it needs the vibrant, one-of-a-kind person that is you. So, I invite you to start today by taking five minutes to pause and ask yourself: “What’s one way I can show up as more me today?”
Whether it’s saying what you really think, dancing like no one’s watching, or setting a boundary that feels right—start small and notice how it feels.
Authenticity isn’t about grand gestures or a complete overhaul of who you are. It’s about choosing, moment by moment, to live in alignment with what lights you up and feels true.
When you show up as you, life becomes less about meeting expectations and more about creating connections, opportunities, and joy that genuinely fit you. And that, my friends, is where the freedom and fun is.
Until next time, I’m sending much love from my authentic heart to yours…
