The holidays can be a challenging time, especially if you’re carrying the weight of your child’s substance use. If you’re dreading Thanksgiving, Christmas, or the holiday season in general, please know you’re not alone.
I understand how overwhelming it can feel. The holidays often magnify everything we’re struggling with—the pain, the uncertainty, and the longing for things to be different.
In fact, research shows just how stressful this time of year can be for most people, regardless of their circumstances:
- 89% of Americans report concerns about financial pressures, missing loved ones, or family conflict, according to the American Psychological Association.
- The American Heart Association found that 79% of people overlook their own health needs during the holidays, and 63% say it’s the most stressful time of the year.
It’s not easy, but there are steps you can take to support yourself and create moments of peace, connection, and even joy during the holidays.
Here are simple yet powerful tips to help you navigate this season with intention and compassion.
Step 1: Decide Ahead of Time
The first step to navigating the holidays is preparation. When you anticipate potential challenges, you can prevent them from catching you off guard.
Take a moment to reflect:
- What are you anticipating happening?
- What tends to go wrong every year?
- What has been an issue lately?
Decide now how you’ll respond to those situations. Write it down. When emotions are high, decision-making skills are low. Having a plan allows you to stay intentional instead of reactive.
One thing that helped me was journaling after situations where I reacted poorly. I wrote down what went wrong, why it went wrong, and what I could do differently next time. Over time, these intentional responses became second nature, and I began to feel proud of my actions rather than regretful of my reactions.
Key Tip: Plan something for yourself, no matter what happens.
For example, if your child doesn’t show up or the holiday doesn’t go as planned, have a backup plan for your own comfort and joy. It might be cocooning in a fuzzy blanket with a book, watching your favorite movie, running a holiday 5K, or spending time with friends.
Step 2: Practice Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean approval—it means recognizing reality as it is without resisting it or wishing it were different. When you stop fighting the situation, you conserve your energy for what you can control.
For example, when my daughter struggled with addiction, I learned to meet her where she was, not where I wished she would be. One Christmas, I brought dinner to her and her roommates. It wasn’t the Christmas I planned, but it became a beautiful moment of connection and love.
Acceptance allows you to redirect your energy toward navigating the situation rather than fighting against it.
Step 3: Be Present With Your Pain
Being present with your pain is one of the most powerful ways to navigate difficult emotions during the holidays.
This means allowing yourself to feel your emotions without adding to them or minimizing them. For example:
- Avoid thoughts like, “This shouldn’t be happening,” or “This means I’m a failure.” These amplify your suffering.
- Resist minimizing your pain with thoughts like, “It’s not that bad.” Instead, acknowledge your emotions and where they show up in your body.
When you meet your emotions with presence and self-compassion, they often soften and dissipate more quickly. This creates space for peace and even joy to coexist alongside your pain.
Step 4: Live in the “AND”
It’s possible to hold two truths at once:
- This is hard, AND I can take care of myself.
- I miss my child, AND I can enjoy the people I’m with.
Addiction takes what it takes, but you get to choose what you give to it. For me, I’ve chosen not to give addiction any more of my holidays.
My daughter, Helanna, passed just before Christmas three years ago. I can’t control that, but I can control how I show up for myself and how I experience the holidays without her.
Each year, I’ve grown stronger in honoring both my grief and my joy. This process has taken patience, acceptance, and intentionality—but it has been worth it.
Ask Yourself These Questions
To create a holiday season that feels more peaceful and meaningful, take time to reflect on these questions:
- What would make this holiday meaningful for me, regardless of what others do?
- How can I create comfort or joy for myself if things don’t go as planned?
- What boundaries do I need to set to protect my energy and well-being?
- What expectations can I let go of to make space for acceptance?
- How can I honor my feelings while also living in the present moment?
Write your answers or think about them during a walk. Taking action on what you learn will help you feel proud of how you show up for yourself this season.
Final Thoughts
Taking care of yourself during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your child. It means you’re creating the conditions to show up for them—and yourself—in the best way possible.
The holidays will always carry a mix of emotions, but by honoring all of them and focusing on what you can control, you can create moments of peace, connection, and even joy.
Need Extra Support?
- Download the Free Holiday Guide: This PDF walks you through these steps and gives you actionable tips to make this holiday season more manageable. Click here to download.
- Listen to the Full Podcast Episode: Dive deeper into these ideas and learn how to create more peace this holiday season. Listen here.
