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What does the word change do to you?
Change is one of the inevitables of life. This is what I was musing on last time. We are in autumn now, a brief few days of warm summery sunshine have ended here in Scotland. Today, whilst gloriously sunny, is cold and sharp and frost feels not far away. My summer clothes now look decidedly out of place in my wardrobe.
And as if to hammer the message home that the end of the year is rapidly approaching, the wonderful choir that I have joined are in full-on rehearsals for our Christmas concert. We were jingling bells and bringing forth figgy pudding this week – incongruous and a little surreal in September!
The thing about any change that can be tricky is not necessarily the end point, but the messy bit to get there.
Transitions can feel very messy indeed. I can help! Free Toolkit here.
Oftentimes, we are aware of the need to move on from where we are. And it might be equally clear where we want to get to. But the messy bit is in the getting there: letting go of what has gone before but often without the clarity and certainty of living in what is to come.
Our brains like certainty and familiarity. Our brains do not like change.
Even if we know that we need to leave something behind – a job, a relationship, a mindset or behaviour – there can be a reluctance to let go because the old is familiar and known. And hence it is understandable, and perhaps feels more controllable. Even if it is no longer serving us well.
Better the devil you know and all that.
When we think about where we are going – the new mindset, or new behaviours, way of living, job or relationship – it is more enticing to want to actually be living in that. To have the new comfort and certainty of established rhythms and patterns to life, which again gives us more of a feeling of control.
The tricky bit is the bit in the middle.
Because moving from where we have been to where we want to get to involves uncertainty. There is lots that needs to be released, and consigned to history. We knew who we were in the previous season, but who are we now? How do we behave, what is expected of us, what will we have to learn? Sadness perhaps at what we are letting go of and fear about what is to come are common.
The challenge is to choose to be really intentional about how we engage with this messy bit in the middle.
It can be all too easy to want to rush through the transition season itself and get to the other side, safe in the new way of living or whatever it is. And it can be very uncomfortable to engage proactively in the change process itself – facing into our losses, fears, character, even legacy perhaps.
But herein lies growth.
When we can choose to remain present and engaged in the transition process itself, we can gain so much fruitful awareness of ourselves. Taking time to notice the fears and uncertainties that are surfacing, and unpicking them to get to their roots can allow healing and restoration. Choosing to wrestle with our need for control can help us learn to surrender what is outwith our control and live more harmoniously with ourselves and our limits.
It might be that we need to identify and release attitudes and behaviours that are no longer serving us, and this can be hard, painful and destabilising. It might be that letting go feels like a betrayal and we are struggling to face that. The fear of living without what we are moving on from keeps us stuck in the past.
Equally, transitions can be a fantastic opportunity to have a reset, and build confidence as we look at our strengths, life experiences and all that we have to offer in the new season. Or it might be that approaching a new season allows us to ask important questions of ourselves – who, how, what, when? More on that here.
Transitions free gift.
Whatever your views on change, you will go through transitions large and small.
And I have a transitions free gift for you to help you navigate change intentionally and well.
I talk about change and working through change a lot in my work. And I am learning so much about what it is to be present and intentional during the change process as we live in our newly empty nest.
So please give yourself the gift of awareness and confident, intentional growth to work through your transition and emerge the other side with greater freedom and wisdom.
Click here for your transitions free gift – a free toolkit to help you at every stage of your transition.
