Reconciliation and Release were the first two R’s. Now we discover ways to proactively move ahead with our lives.
R3: Reshape your Narrative
When your past rears its ugly head in your present we have a choice as to how we consider it. We can look at it for what it was then, or we can consider the value that it has in our life today. I believe this is accomplished by reshaping your narrative to suit where you want to be today! Here’s how:
Only Take the GOOD with you for the long haul! Leave the rest.
The Jaguars position was the first job I had ever been fired from. It would not be the last, but that’s the life of a coach. Did you see what I just did there? Coaching is a brutal profession and a beautiful one. It brings you to the highest heights and it can send you to low lows as well. I’ve been on each, from World Champion to completely inept in three years time.
But there are a couple of sayings that I have held dear in my life. One is an old George Allen quote that the “NFL stands for not for long”. It was picked up by Jerry Glanville years later and popularized by an NFL films story about him. Another phrase I learned as a young coach. “There are two types of coaches: those who have been fired and those who are going to be fired.”
Knowing the profession I was in was key to helping me to reshape the past ‘failures’ in my coaching career. The Yellow Brick Road is simply our failures colored in luminous yellow paint! Every tough job circumstance I have ever experienced has served an incredible purpose repackaged to serve my clients today. Why not?
Reshaping my own narrative has been instrumental in helping benefit others. After the Jaguars let me go I did a consulting job with Bobby April and the Buffalo Bills special teams. We led the NFL in special teams production twice and Bobby was named special teams coach of the year during those years! What I suffered from during the Jaguars experience did not impair my ability to help Bobby achieve greatness, it was instrumental in helping Bobby succeed! Rather than be angry over my firing from the Jaguars, I looked at all we had accomplished:
- Top half of the NFL in special teams in the final 8 games of the season
- Finished Top 6 in punt return and kickoff coverage
- Retooled the roster with veterans who had been ‘on the street’ or cast away from the rest of the NFL team rosters and became competitive with them
- Fought through some incredibly adverse circumstances:
- The General Manager cut 8/10 top special teams players at the end of pre-season, forcing us to revamp all six units a week prior to our opening game against NFC champion Charlotte, the league’s top special teams.
- Injuries to pro bowlers punter Chris Hanson (Jack’s Axe in the locker room stunt), and returner Jermaine Lewis (Jack’s decision to play him on offense led to him tearing his ACL)
- The head coach secretly demoted my boss and promoted me (after the team started 0-4), but did not tell the rest of the coaching staff or players causing internal pressures due to the lack of transparent communication and a lot of awkward moments with the team.
That season was perhaps my best work because of the circumstances. But before moving on, it required me to get over any negative experience and reshape my narrative moving forward. I wanted to have a Baltimore Ravens championship narrative!
Providing championship-level help for coach Bobby April was how I reshaped my narrative.
R4: Recharge (or Repower)
Unlike the previous three R’s for forgiveness, recharge is reliant upon the other three in order to exist. When you reconcile, release and reshape your past you recharge your past in a way that allows you to energize your present and build off of your past. It’s a lot like repowering an old boat: you get all the benefits that the hull and equipment have to offer with a brand new engine to run on! No more going back to the repair shop every time something in the old, gunked up engine goes bad on you! You’re free to proceed to your next destination and your ride just got a lot quieter because you eliminated all the objects that were causing the noise in your engine room! You’re recharged!
A couple years following my stint with the Buffalo Bills, the Jacksonville University President Kerry Romesberg and Athletic Director Alan Verlander approached me about starting men’s and women’s lacrosse in what became the first men’s and women’s Division I lacrosse programs in Florida! It was the perfect culmination of reshaping and recharging. I often tell people that had that rough year not taken place with the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Jacksonville Dolphins would not have a successful lacrosse program today!
The Yellowbrick Road has many twists and turns!
Put the 4R’s to work the next time something you regret comes around. Let the power of the 4R’s eliminate the mental trap that a little regret can pose!
