On my Instagram page I posed the question, “What is your biggest frustration with dating?”
Wow, did I get a lot of comments.
One of the most interesting replies came from a man’s perspective.
Here is what he said:
I’ve noticed dating through my 30’s that women tend to not be completely upfront with their true agenda. This is the biggest issue for me as a man.
I meet a woman, we decide to date which to me means, let’s get to really know each other and see if we can make this work.
Women seem to go into dating with the mindset of we’re about to get married.
Hmm…to be fair I don’t know if you like black coffee or decaffeinated tea. I don’t know why you cry when you hear “that” song and I don’t know if you like lotion or baby oil after a bath.
The point I’m making to women is to be more fair to yourself. Yes, you might have met a lot of frogs and finally a prince, who could even end up being your Prince, but please be easy..don’t rush to have talks about your perfect wedding, or where we’re headed, when I don’t know your middle name.
Slow down and find out more about what’s on his agenda and don’t be so pushy about your own. Slower is better ladies..with love.
I loved his comment so much!
This is something that comes up often with clients. They wonder how “upfront” they should be in their dating profile, or on their first date about what they’re looking for.
They understandably don’t want to waste their time.
Or, they start dating a guy whom they get really attached to, and wonder why he starts to pull away or ghosts them.
Of course, you are free to come across any way you want, in whatever what rings most true to you.
If in your profile or on a first date you want to be clear that you’re looking for a long-term relationship and don’t want to waste your time, that is perfectly OK.
It is important to realize that this is a dominantly masculine energy that you are putting forth.
It will attract a certain type of guy, and push away others.
There is another feminine, easeful way of being that includes the kind of mystery that leads to romance and a slower build up of attraction and connection for both the man and woman.
I think this man’s comment clarified it perfectly.
Take things slowly.
Don’t put him up on a pedestal just yet.
Don’t give your heart away just yet.
Don’t bring long-term commitment or marriage into the conversation…just yet.
If it comes up you may want to share that ultimately you would like to get married (if that is what you want)…with the right person.
This takes the pressure off of both of you and leads to a beautiful opportunity for the man to court you, and to feel a strong connection to you, as things slowly build.
It is a beautiful dance between two people that will lead to a long-term commitment in due time.
If you feel like you’re running out of time and wanted a relationship like…yesterday…I get it.
I’ve been there.
Slow is fast.
So ask him questions. Get to know each other. Explore the possibilities. Stay in that magical, mysterious place as long as possible.
XO
Alexis
Updated reprint on My One Amor
